Something I came across.

Finis vitae sed non amoris

- the end of life, but not of love

The Last Day

It was the last day I get to see you. I died a little inside knowing I would not melt by your beauty everyday from now on. I miss your calm walk on the stairs already, and I miss your sweet perfume more than ever. A little blue feeling passed by, I walked you to the car. Well, it was a privilege because I was the one who took you home for your last day. I hugged you and told you that I wanted to be like this forever. You laughed and said that I should calm down because it was not like we will not ever meet again. That made me smile. You promised, right? I wanted that car trip to last a little longer. I could not help but stared at you sometimes. I will miss your skinny pale hands, your long curled up eyelashes, your attractive lips, and your sharp look a lot. And the way you listen to music so loud that I could hear every single word and you would turn to me to ask if it is too much with a blushed smile. I will definitely miss your everything. Simply because you are my everything. Clandestinely, I took your phone and wrote a brief note saying I love you. So that I know I will stay in your heart and that you will smile when you see this note once in a while. I was dying inside. I was. When you arrived, I gave you one last hug. I held on to it and embraced it like nothing else mattered. Yet, it was time to let you go.

I let you go but in my heart, you forever stay. I will learn to take care of myself just like you said. I will learn to mature up and be a classy one just like you. Goodbye is too much, so see you again, my infinity.

Then what?

If someone knows well about your past but still love you anyway despite any flaws, then you better hold on to that person.

However, if it is the other way around, meaning the person knows how much you have done for him/her but still chooses to walk way.
.
.
.
Then what?

Brief note.

Love is patient, love is kind C:

I appreciate having you in my life. I really do. Only you can bring me out of darkness. And thanks for actually held me through that time.

Irrelevant feelings.

Well, since I have made it clear that this is irrelevant to me myself, I feel like I am speaking out my heart to someone who deserves to hear.

If you have to choose between being loved and being respected, always choose being respected. In love, there is no right or wrong, only should or shouldn't. That is why you should take your dignity with you instead of being crashed down by the desire of love. If you believe you have given enough, that you have fought so hard but the other one refuses to give in then, let go. They do not deserve to have a fighter. After all, when the fighter fights with his heart, he deserves the best, not what he wants but what he needs.

And dear, "if you ever love two people at the same time, always go for the second one because had you loved the first one enough, you would not fall for the second one." Damn wrong. The second one knows there will be a third one because it has happened once. And just for the record, the chain number is infinite ;) Choose wisely.

Heartache.

Yes I know you are sad sometimes although you always appear with the brightest smile. My heart aches as I know I could not help.

But I will not ask you about it. I have shown you how much I care. The fact is, you dont need my presence at all. It is good that I am there. But with or without me, you are still the same.

And that aches even more.



P/s: The thing is, you will never understand how much I care for you.

Before 2012 ends

This year was overwhelming, a turbulence in its own way but still enough to drive me insane.

About love...

I learn to accept how once a moment passes, it is a memory which you could never regain.
I learn to live but die every day waiting for something would never come true.
I learn that a lust could happen anytime, but mostly when you least expect.
I learn how to embrace one's flaws just to continue falling in love even though my ideal image vanished into dust.
I learn how to love hopelessly and give literally everything I have to that one person I love so much.
But mostly I learn to acknowledge the feeling I get, so bittersweet, when I am with the person I love: so close yet feels like thousand miles away.

About other relationship:
I learn to stand on my own because there would be no one else love myself as much as I do.
I learn to be a heart-breaker instead of having a heart-broken.
I learn to trust in someone.
I learn that when I could not make myself happy, I should make someone else smile.
I learn that... after all, I am still not open fully to anyone and hence, i am still alone in this endless battle (:


And before 2012 ends, in brief:
I have crushes on 2 people this year. One becomes my best friend, who I share everything with. One is... more than an acquaintance yet to be anything more than a close friend. I guess although I have tried everything to get close to...

And I am still in love with you.
To be precise, my mind has always loved you for almost five years? I told myself it is time to move on, but I could not. You are happy with someone else. I know I will always have you, just not officially. But, you were never there. And the lame part is that I could not blame you for living happily with your lover. Anyway, in hope for a better future, I will be with someone this year, not because I try to forget you but because I want to be with someone I truly like, to heal my own heart again.


So new year, here it comes (: