Before 2012 ends

This year was overwhelming, a turbulence in its own way but still enough to drive me insane.

About love...

I learn to accept how once a moment passes, it is a memory which you could never regain.
I learn to live but die every day waiting for something would never come true.
I learn that a lust could happen anytime, but mostly when you least expect.
I learn how to embrace one's flaws just to continue falling in love even though my ideal image vanished into dust.
I learn how to love hopelessly and give literally everything I have to that one person I love so much.
But mostly I learn to acknowledge the feeling I get, so bittersweet, when I am with the person I love: so close yet feels like thousand miles away.

About other relationship:
I learn to stand on my own because there would be no one else love myself as much as I do.
I learn to be a heart-breaker instead of having a heart-broken.
I learn to trust in someone.
I learn that when I could not make myself happy, I should make someone else smile.
I learn that... after all, I am still not open fully to anyone and hence, i am still alone in this endless battle (:


And before 2012 ends, in brief:
I have crushes on 2 people this year. One becomes my best friend, who I share everything with. One is... more than an acquaintance yet to be anything more than a close friend. I guess although I have tried everything to get close to...

And I am still in love with you.
To be precise, my mind has always loved you for almost five years? I told myself it is time to move on, but I could not. You are happy with someone else. I know I will always have you, just not officially. But, you were never there. And the lame part is that I could not blame you for living happily with your lover. Anyway, in hope for a better future, I will be with someone this year, not because I try to forget you but because I want to be with someone I truly like, to heal my own heart again.


So new year, here it comes (: